My Dearest Ducati

Dear Ducati,

A little over six years ago I entered into you and your Papa's lives and everyday since then you have brought a smile to my face.  When life has me down, you bring me one (or three) of your babies, sit down next to me and give me a big kiss.  You instinctively know when all need is some Dukey love and I love you for that.

Now, I know your life was uprooted four months ago when your little brother came home.  And I know it hasn't been easy for you.  That first week you held out hope that Costner was just visiting and would be going back to wherever he came from.  But much to your disappointment he is still here.  In the past months, your ear rubs are a short 30 seconds here and there, the walks have slowed and even your baths are only once a month.  Who is this kid?  Why is he taking up so much of Mama and Papa's time and attention?  What about me?  And please make him stop screaming, he is destroying whatever hearing I have left in these 10 year old ears!

Thank you for being such a wonderful dog!  Thank you for understanding that life is a little different now and that we all need to make some adjustments.  Thank you for not pulling on your leash when the three of us go for a walk.  Thank you for sitting next to Costner when he is crying and staying with him until he calms down.  It is very endearing and heart warming.  I know it doesn't seem like it right now but Costner is going to love you with all that he is soon enough.  The devoted love you show me and your Papa is what Costner will show you in the next couple of years.  I wouldn't be surprised if his first words are "Dukey".

Duke.....I want to promise you that I will love you forever.  I appreciate you and what you have brought to my life.....unconditional love and happiness!

Love,
Mama

Costner=Perfection!! (at least I think so)

I can't believe it has been a month since I last posted.  I have to say that it has been in the back of my mind but I just haven't been able to come up with anything significant to write about.  So, I have decided to just write about how life is going with Costner.

As I am sure most moms believe, I think my son is perfect!!  He is such a joy to be around.  Not that he wasn't before but it is somehow different now.  He is so much more alert and aware of his surroundings.  For the first month or so, his days consisted mostly of sleeping, eating and pooping.  And let's not forget crying.  That crying broke my heart.  That is not to say that his tears don't deeply sadden me now but I know now that they are temporary.  I have learned enough in the past two and half months to know how to stop those tears and how to comfort him.  And I know enough to know when he's just trying to work Mom!  It is amazing how quickly you learn the telling signs of what your little man needs.   I look at him everyday in amazement that he is all mine (well....and Justin's too).  Costner is this perfect little human being that I get to enjoy everyday.  His smiles, coos, gurgles and his perfected bottom lip, pouty thing that is so adorable, fulfills my day.  Costner even recognizes Justin and I's voices and sometimes greets our voices with a big smile.  What could be better than that?

Actually, let me tell you what is really wonderful that Costner is accomplishing.....going eight to ten hours at night.  Costner typically eats around 8:30pm and won't wake again until 6:30am.  We like to credit is great sleeping to two things.....one...he is a formula fed child.  From what I have read formula makes babies feel more full and thus helping them sleep longer.  Second, we have stopped swaddling him.  Last week Justin and I noticed that Costner would wake up around 3am with a hand out and all worked up.  He spends half the night trying to get his arms out instead of sleeping.  We knew he could go all night without being fed so we thought maybe if he wasn't swaddled Costner would sleep better.  I was a little hesitant because it was my night to get up with him (Justin and I trade off who gets up with Costner at night) and I didn't want to be up all night because Costner wasn't sleeping due to the fact that his hands were in his mouth.  I couldn't believe it but as soon as I snapped Costner up in his sleep sack he was out!  Passed out with his arms splayed open.  The cutest thing I have ever seen!!

A quick side note, to all who have yet to have a baby.....get a swing!!  I wish I had one!!  Justin and I spend a good amount of time wheeling Costner around the house in his stroller because he likes to be upright and he likes the movement.  He has a chair that bounces but that just doesn't do it for him.  I'm contemplating biting the bullet and purchasing a swing so Mom and Dad can have dinner together.  :)

Hope everyone is having a great week!  I promise to post more often on my blog.  Here are some of the latest pictures of Magoozles!!

                                                               Costner's Aunt Lindsey

           My Dad says I'm Steazy but I don't know what that means!! Either does Mom!!

                                      Magoozles first night in his sleep sack and sound asleep!!

                                                                      Ready for work!!

Postpartum

Everyone tells you to look out for signs for Postpartum Depression after you give birth.  To me, there must be a fine line between depression and the exhaustion and the overwhelming feeling of being a new mom.  There is nothing in this world that brings me more joy than my son but I'll be completely honest....this motherhood stuff is hard work.  Everyday you question whether your doing it right and if you tried something else would it make things just a little bit easier.  A friend of mine told me that somewhere in all the baby madness you have to find time to mourn your previous life.  That life where you could accomplish 10 things in one day.  That life where you could get eight hours of sleep, have a conversation that doesn't involve talking about when the baby last ate, pooped, peed, bathed, etc or share a quiet moment with your significant other.  Once you mourn that previous life then you realize how very blessed you are and how that life before never felt so full and complete as it does with your child in it.

I have to say personally that for the first few weeks I was in a state of worry (not that I don't worry about him now).  From the moment he was born I was worried about him.  Why isn't he crying?  What do you mean breathing problems? NICU?  Oxygen bubble? Antibiotics?  I worried about his health and well being since the moment he popped out.  Then four days later the doctors and nurses said he is all better and that we could take him home.  Now the questions that racked my brain were.... Is it warm enough in the house?  Why does he sneeze so much?  Does he have a cold?  Why is he all wet?  Is he sweating? (nope he was peeing himself...straight out of the diaper).  And trust me there were many more concerning questions.  I never experienced the euphoric feeling that most women have when their happy, healthy baby is born.  I was consumed with worry.  And to make matters worse I have had a difficult time with breastfeeding.  You feel like your failing because you can't provide for your child what nature says you should.  It wasn't after a very long, trying day full of tears for Justin to come to me and say "Enough!"  Enough of beating myself up about not being able to solely breastfeed.  Enough of worrying and stressing.  Costner will be okay if we supplement with formula and most importantly we will all be a happier family unit.  I love my husband for intervening and making me see that being a mother is not about doing things perfectly but doing them to the best of my ability and most of all having a happy, healthy baby.  Which we do.....most of the time. :)

Here are a couple new photos of my little nugget.....Costner is almost 6 weeks old and a little over 8lbs.

 My Mr. Magoozles

 Justin and Costner getting a nap in after a busy day!!

He loves his tummy time!!