Connecting to my Mom and being a Mom!

A couple of weeks ago I was looking for an easy read, something light and breezy to read while feeding Costner.  I chose a Jane Green novel.  It started off great, describing the differing lives of the main characters and then I was smacked in the face with emotion.  One of the main characters had a reoccurrence of breast cancer, a type that only gave her a year to live.  Callie was struck with fear and sadness not that her time on earth was ending but that she was leaving her children, husband and family.  As I read this, I began to cry and I couldn't stop.  Thankfully Costner was napping so I could just sit on my couch and let the tears fall.  I wasn't crying for myself or the fact that the story reminded me of loosing my own mother but I was crying because now I understood how my mother must have felt in those final months.  Now, having a beautiful little boy and the overwhelming love I have for him, I understand how terrifying it must have been for my mother.  Knowing that she wouldn't be there to help navigate my brother and I through life, to see our milestones, comfort us through difficulties and to see her grandson born.  It's ironic that a book helped me connect with my mom on a much deeper level then I ever thought possible.  This book made me stop thinking about myself and what I missed out on but allowed me to truly feel blessed for the opportunity I have to experience every day with Costner and the joy of being his mom.  

On a side note, Costner is awesome!  He is like fine wine....he gets better with time!  He is such a happy little baby, doesn't fuss very often, goes down for naps perfectly, goes to bed without a fight and sleeps like a champ.  This boy loves to sleep.  I have to tell myself to not wake him because I am bored and want to hang out with him.  We are working on him sitting up.  He has rolled over a few times but not again, I think he did it just show me he can and now he's done with it. :)  Costner is determined to crawl, he lifts his butt in the air, puts his face down and scoots his way forward.  I've tried to show him how to use his arms but he'll have none of it.  He wants to do it his way....he'll learn. :)  I love my little man.  

Here are a few pictures.....

My Dearest Ducati

Dear Ducati,

A little over six years ago I entered into you and your Papa's lives and everyday since then you have brought a smile to my face.  When life has me down, you bring me one (or three) of your babies, sit down next to me and give me a big kiss.  You instinctively know when all need is some Dukey love and I love you for that.

Now, I know your life was uprooted four months ago when your little brother came home.  And I know it hasn't been easy for you.  That first week you held out hope that Costner was just visiting and would be going back to wherever he came from.  But much to your disappointment he is still here.  In the past months, your ear rubs are a short 30 seconds here and there, the walks have slowed and even your baths are only once a month.  Who is this kid?  Why is he taking up so much of Mama and Papa's time and attention?  What about me?  And please make him stop screaming, he is destroying whatever hearing I have left in these 10 year old ears!

Thank you for being such a wonderful dog!  Thank you for understanding that life is a little different now and that we all need to make some adjustments.  Thank you for not pulling on your leash when the three of us go for a walk.  Thank you for sitting next to Costner when he is crying and staying with him until he calms down.  It is very endearing and heart warming.  I know it doesn't seem like it right now but Costner is going to love you with all that he is soon enough.  The devoted love you show me and your Papa is what Costner will show you in the next couple of years.  I wouldn't be surprised if his first words are "Dukey".

Duke.....I want to promise you that I will love you forever.  I appreciate you and what you have brought to my life.....unconditional love and happiness!

Love,
Mama

Costner=Perfection!! (at least I think so)

I can't believe it has been a month since I last posted.  I have to say that it has been in the back of my mind but I just haven't been able to come up with anything significant to write about.  So, I have decided to just write about how life is going with Costner.

As I am sure most moms believe, I think my son is perfect!!  He is such a joy to be around.  Not that he wasn't before but it is somehow different now.  He is so much more alert and aware of his surroundings.  For the first month or so, his days consisted mostly of sleeping, eating and pooping.  And let's not forget crying.  That crying broke my heart.  That is not to say that his tears don't deeply sadden me now but I know now that they are temporary.  I have learned enough in the past two and half months to know how to stop those tears and how to comfort him.  And I know enough to know when he's just trying to work Mom!  It is amazing how quickly you learn the telling signs of what your little man needs.   I look at him everyday in amazement that he is all mine (well....and Justin's too).  Costner is this perfect little human being that I get to enjoy everyday.  His smiles, coos, gurgles and his perfected bottom lip, pouty thing that is so adorable, fulfills my day.  Costner even recognizes Justin and I's voices and sometimes greets our voices with a big smile.  What could be better than that?

Actually, let me tell you what is really wonderful that Costner is accomplishing.....going eight to ten hours at night.  Costner typically eats around 8:30pm and won't wake again until 6:30am.  We like to credit is great sleeping to two things.....one...he is a formula fed child.  From what I have read formula makes babies feel more full and thus helping them sleep longer.  Second, we have stopped swaddling him.  Last week Justin and I noticed that Costner would wake up around 3am with a hand out and all worked up.  He spends half the night trying to get his arms out instead of sleeping.  We knew he could go all night without being fed so we thought maybe if he wasn't swaddled Costner would sleep better.  I was a little hesitant because it was my night to get up with him (Justin and I trade off who gets up with Costner at night) and I didn't want to be up all night because Costner wasn't sleeping due to the fact that his hands were in his mouth.  I couldn't believe it but as soon as I snapped Costner up in his sleep sack he was out!  Passed out with his arms splayed open.  The cutest thing I have ever seen!!

A quick side note, to all who have yet to have a baby.....get a swing!!  I wish I had one!!  Justin and I spend a good amount of time wheeling Costner around the house in his stroller because he likes to be upright and he likes the movement.  He has a chair that bounces but that just doesn't do it for him.  I'm contemplating biting the bullet and purchasing a swing so Mom and Dad can have dinner together.  :)

Hope everyone is having a great week!  I promise to post more often on my blog.  Here are some of the latest pictures of Magoozles!!

                                                               Costner's Aunt Lindsey

           My Dad says I'm Steazy but I don't know what that means!! Either does Mom!!

                                      Magoozles first night in his sleep sack and sound asleep!!

                                                                      Ready for work!!