Will he nap today or not?!

I have not been inspired the last few months and that is why I have not blogged.  I have been trying to figure out why I have been so uninspired, part of it is because I am thinking too hard and I should just write what I know.  Let's be honest....I am a stay at home mom (that might be changing) so my life encompasses Costner and all that goes with a busy 9 month old, my husband and his ever changing schedule and my always faithful companion Ducati.  Let go Whitney of thinking you have to have profound conversations on a daily basis that gives you something to write about!  Though I do wish I did have those types of conversations even on a weekly basis.   The other part that I believe contributes to my uninspired feeling is that my day to day life has been a little out of sorts with Costner.  Which leaves me little time to contemplate writing.

About two months ago his naps became erratic.  The morning nap would still happen fine but the afternoon nap went from 2+ hours to 45 minutes if I was lucky.  I was baffled!!  I thought the disruption was being caused by teething but we still do not have any teeth two months later.  So what happened to my amazing sleeper? What happened to the boy who would go down for a nap without even a peep?  Now I have a fight on my hands every time and cries that have been excruciatingly difficult to hear.  I should be clear...I am by default a Type A personality.  I like structure and schedule, those two things help me tackle the day.  Costner and I had a great schedule going.  It went a little like this:

8:00am wake up and have breakfast

9-9:15am nap time

10-10:30am wake up and play,go for a run, etc.

12:00pm lunch

1-1:30pm nap time

3-3:30pm wake up and play some more

4:00pm dinner and more playing

6:45pm last sippy cup of milk

7:00pm bedtime

And then the latter part of the schedule got shot to hell.  No afternoon nap means a cranky, over tired little man and it also means Mom does not get time to herself to recharge.  I believe the change happened when he started crawling and pulling himself up.  To Costner there is too much to see and do and if he sleeps he might miss out.  So instead he fights his naps, he stands up in his crib (which I had to lower because he is way too tall) and screams bloody murder.  Costner is not a fussy baby and he rarely cries so when he first started crying like this I would run in to see what was wrong.  That is where the downward spiral began.  Costner is a smart baby, he knows how work Mama's heart strings.  The other part is that he is actually teething so the pain undoubtedly wakes him up and then he has a hard time getting back to sleep. 

Well, yesterday we saw our wonderful pediatrician Dr. Janet Engle.  She confirmed that two teeth are in our eminent future but that is no reason why he shouldn't still be napping otherwise we are going to be constantly waiting for teeth to come in to get back on a nap schedule.  Tough love needs to be administered.  "But Janet he screamed for 45 minutes today!" And she responded with "If you know he is safe and okay then you need to let him cry." Does she know my son's cry....it is gut wrenching?!  Janet explained that by Day Three he should be doing much better with naps and not fussing too bad.  But I have to be strong which is hard to do when Justin is out of town and not here to back me up or allow me step away.  Today is Day One and Costner is currently crying, I will blog this evening to let everyone know how it is going.  

Thank you continuing to read my blog even though I write sporadically!!

Postpartum Friends

Something happened when Costner hit 3 months old, I started to feel alone.  Funny thing to say, right?  Around 3 months Costner started to be more expressive, interactive with me which was such a delight but he also became a little more self-reliant.  He started to entertain himself, take longer naps and his witching hour all but disappeared, Costner no longer needs Mom to constantly soothe him.  He became a relatively easy, happy and fun baby.  It does not take as much energy to care for him, time....yes!  He still encompasses much of my time but I don't feel as drained at the end of day.  I am a much more confidant mom now.  I know his signs, I know what makes him happy, when he is getting sleepy, when it is time to eat and what to do when, heaven forbid, he starts to wail.   As fullfilling as it is to spend my days with my little man, it can be a very solitary life.  The first three months of motherhood I spent most of my time just trying to figure it out and that took up most of my time but now I have a handle on it I am ready to get out and mingle with other people....women to be specific.

That is where the problem lies......as much as I wish my girlfriends and I had sat around and decided "Let's all try to get pregnant, so we could go thru motherhood together" that didn't happen.  Justin and I were not even trying to get pregnant, who knew I would be so fertile.  So here I am, the one of the first among my friends to have a child, looking for someone to go on a hike with or out to lunch.  Someone to have an adult conversation with on occasion.  When you have a baby your life inevitably changes, my day revolves around nap and food schedules.  Justin and I try to take Costner everywhere we go but late night dinners with friends (unless it's at our house) are fleeting.

I knew that some of my friendships would change when Costner was born and I thought many of them would drift apart.  I was right some did but surprisingly the majority of my friendships with my girlfriends (specifically my fellow book clubbers) have grown stronger.  They may not have children of their own (yet!) but they are so supportive, caring and understanding and most of all...they love Costner!  They want to be around him and here about what new shenanigans he is up to.  And I love all of my friends for that.

I am a lucky woman....I have a wonderful husband, adorable baby, fantastic home and great friends!

Costner and his Jet Bear

Connecting to my Mom and being a Mom!

A couple of weeks ago I was looking for an easy read, something light and breezy to read while feeding Costner.  I chose a Jane Green novel.  It started off great, describing the differing lives of the main characters and then I was smacked in the face with emotion.  One of the main characters had a reoccurrence of breast cancer, a type that only gave her a year to live.  Callie was struck with fear and sadness not that her time on earth was ending but that she was leaving her children, husband and family.  As I read this, I began to cry and I couldn't stop.  Thankfully Costner was napping so I could just sit on my couch and let the tears fall.  I wasn't crying for myself or the fact that the story reminded me of loosing my own mother but I was crying because now I understood how my mother must have felt in those final months.  Now, having a beautiful little boy and the overwhelming love I have for him, I understand how terrifying it must have been for my mother.  Knowing that she wouldn't be there to help navigate my brother and I through life, to see our milestones, comfort us through difficulties and to see her grandson born.  It's ironic that a book helped me connect with my mom on a much deeper level then I ever thought possible.  This book made me stop thinking about myself and what I missed out on but allowed me to truly feel blessed for the opportunity I have to experience every day with Costner and the joy of being his mom.  

On a side note, Costner is awesome!  He is like fine wine....he gets better with time!  He is such a happy little baby, doesn't fuss very often, goes down for naps perfectly, goes to bed without a fight and sleeps like a champ.  This boy loves to sleep.  I have to tell myself to not wake him because I am bored and want to hang out with him.  We are working on him sitting up.  He has rolled over a few times but not again, I think he did it just show me he can and now he's done with it. :)  Costner is determined to crawl, he lifts his butt in the air, puts his face down and scoots his way forward.  I've tried to show him how to use his arms but he'll have none of it.  He wants to do it his way....he'll learn. :)  I love my little man.  

Here are a few pictures.....