Fuzzy Brain

I have been trying to think of something creative to write for the last few days and nothing seems to come to mind.  This what people must call "New Mom Fuzzy Brain."  Yep, that's right....I am officially a mother to a beautiful, healthy baby boy.  Costner Cooper Bradshaw was born February 15, 2011 weighing in at 6lb 4oz.  Let me just say this...nothing prepares you for childbirth and the trying days afterward.  I was actually mad at my friends who have children for not warning me about what was to come that faithful hour when my doctor said it was time to push.  Grant it, I know experiences vary from person to person but someone should have given me heads up on how completely taxing childbirth would be on my mind, body and soul.  The utter exhaustion I felt the first few days we were home made me worry... "Is this how I'm going to feel in the months to come?"  Luckily, things do get better as your body recovers and you adjust to the lack of sleep.  

Let me be completely clear that I would go through it again tomorrow (with a few alterations) for my handsome little man.  The way my heart melts when Costner assumes the frog position on my chest and falls into a deep sleep is indescribable.  I find myself staring at him in awe of how perfect he is to me and then I wonder..."Is he warm enough?" "Did he get enough to eat?" "If he ate at 12pm, then he should eat between 2pm and 3pm?"  "Which boob did I last feed him on?"  "How can we get him to sleep in his bassinet and not on our chests?"  It is a never ending quest for the right answer.  All I can really do is my best and hope that is good enough for him.  My dad said "Whitney, all you can do is take it day by day and soon enough you'll find it gets a little easier."  That was the best advice I could have received.

Here are some pictures.....

I do want to say one last thing.  Thank you to my truly wonderful husband.  Justin, you are amazing.  You have been my rock these past two weeks.  Your unwavering support and love is incredible.  You are a master at the diaper change....his motto is swipe, swipe, dipe!!  We are so blessed to have you and I am thankful we created such an amazing son.  I love you!!  Thank you!!

Banana Pop!

My master bathroom was not made for a pregnant woman.  It has an over sized jetted tub that takes too long to fill up and twice as long to try to keep warm.  My bathroom also includes a great stand up shower but I soon found out that shaving my legs is a bit difficult with a 7lb basketball jutting out from my stomach.  I need a ledge to prop my leg up on.  So....every couple of days I transfer over to our guest bathroom, which is equipped with  a standard size bathtub/shower, to accomplish the artful task of shaving my legs.

The other day I was showering in the guest bathroom when I realized that I didn't have my razor.    Knowing that Justin was in the kitchen I yelled his name and giving him a couple of minutes just in case he was on the phone.  Five minutes lapsed and Justin had yet to materialize so I thought to myself, "he must not have heard me, he is across the house."  I took a deep breath and yelled his name again.  A few seconds later Justin, wide-eyed, appeared at the bathroom door.

"What is it babe?" he asks.

Looking at him shamelessly I say, "Were you on the phone?"

"Yeah"

"You got off the phone for me?"

"Well, yeah....you screamed my name.  What is it?"  Let me point out that he says scream and I say "yelled".  I believe there is a difference.

"I need my razor," I exclaim with one of my 'please don't be mad at me' smiles.

"Babe, you can't scream my name at this point in the game.  I thought something had happened" he says as he walks away to retrieve my razor.  At 37 weeks pregnant, he's right, anything can happen.  Perhaps yelling his name was not the smartest idea.

When my wonderfully, understanding husband returns with my razor I say to him, "maybe we need a code word I can use when I call your name when something does occur concerning the baby."

To this he states without even thinking, "Banana Pop!"

"Banana Pop?"

Nodding his head, "Banana Pop!"

Well, that was that.  When my water breaks while in the grocery store I will be anxiously yelling "Justin? Banana Pop!"  I have to admit it is a funny code word but I like it because it is uniquely our own.  A great funny story to pass down to our son.  I like it...."Banana Pop!"

I giggle at Justin as he walks away, leaving me to my legs.  The only thing I can think of now are those delicious banana milkshakes I drank twice a day during our honeymoon in Thailand.  Mmmm.....how good would a banana milkshake be right about now?

Revel in the quiet time!

Recently I have become a stay at Mom, right now it is currently to my adorable yellow lab but soon it will not only be to Ducati but to my little man.  Ducati is a very manageable dependent, his day consists of breakfast, belly rubs, an occasional walk, more belly rubs, dinner and then bedtime.  I fully understand that my life will change considerably in a month when my baby boy joins our family.  Everyone tells me I should revel in this quiet time that has been laid upon me but to be honest I am bored out of my mind.  As I sit here in my house, fire lit, snow falling, one movie already watched, typing away and it's only 3pm.  Is this what the next four weeks will entail?  To make matters worse my doctor has told me to stay close to home.  I live in the mountains of Colorado and even a trip Denver could trigger labor because of the elevation change.  Cabin fever anyone?  So, here I am, trying to enjoy this time to myself....this last little bit of singledom before I become a Mom.  It is not as easy as you think.  Maybe it is hard on me because I am limited to what I can do on a day to day basis.  Vail Mountain reports 15 inches of new snow and all I can do is stare envious at my beautifully tuned powder skis hanging in my garage.  I release a large sigh, walk back inside my house, grab the swifter and start cleaning the floors.  Is this my life going forward?

I am realizing that part of the reason I cannot enjoy my new found freedom is that I am having a hard time not having a job.  I have this idea in my head that having a job gives me a since of purpose and by not having that therefore takes away my since of purpose.  That I will be looked down upon or not valued because I am just a stay at home mom.  I think that my life will subsequently become about my child(ren) and nothing left for myself.  Loosing something that drives me for me and not for anyone else.  As I look outside, it dawns on me....I didn't like my job.  I say job and not career because that is what it was....a job that I wasn't crazy about.  Surely nothing I would want to spend 40 hours a week away from my son for.  This interim time will be a good thing.  It will be nice to concentrate on my new addition and myself.  It doesn't have to be either/or.  I now have time bond with my child, my husband, my family and myself.  Time to figure out what drives me and what I want to drive me going forward.  

Quiet time....a new found appreciation!!!