Postpartum

Everyone tells you to look out for signs for Postpartum Depression after you give birth.  To me, there must be a fine line between depression and the exhaustion and the overwhelming feeling of being a new mom.  There is nothing in this world that brings me more joy than my son but I'll be completely honest....this motherhood stuff is hard work.  Everyday you question whether your doing it right and if you tried something else would it make things just a little bit easier.  A friend of mine told me that somewhere in all the baby madness you have to find time to mourn your previous life.  That life where you could accomplish 10 things in one day.  That life where you could get eight hours of sleep, have a conversation that doesn't involve talking about when the baby last ate, pooped, peed, bathed, etc or share a quiet moment with your significant other.  Once you mourn that previous life then you realize how very blessed you are and how that life before never felt so full and complete as it does with your child in it.

I have to say personally that for the first few weeks I was in a state of worry (not that I don't worry about him now).  From the moment he was born I was worried about him.  Why isn't he crying?  What do you mean breathing problems? NICU?  Oxygen bubble? Antibiotics?  I worried about his health and well being since the moment he popped out.  Then four days later the doctors and nurses said he is all better and that we could take him home.  Now the questions that racked my brain were.... Is it warm enough in the house?  Why does he sneeze so much?  Does he have a cold?  Why is he all wet?  Is he sweating? (nope he was peeing himself...straight out of the diaper).  And trust me there were many more concerning questions.  I never experienced the euphoric feeling that most women have when their happy, healthy baby is born.  I was consumed with worry.  And to make matters worse I have had a difficult time with breastfeeding.  You feel like your failing because you can't provide for your child what nature says you should.  It wasn't after a very long, trying day full of tears for Justin to come to me and say "Enough!"  Enough of beating myself up about not being able to solely breastfeed.  Enough of worrying and stressing.  Costner will be okay if we supplement with formula and most importantly we will all be a happier family unit.  I love my husband for intervening and making me see that being a mother is not about doing things perfectly but doing them to the best of my ability and most of all having a happy, healthy baby.  Which we do.....most of the time. :)

Here are a couple new photos of my little nugget.....Costner is almost 6 weeks old and a little over 8lbs.

 My Mr. Magoozles

 Justin and Costner getting a nap in after a busy day!!

He loves his tummy time!!