In the midst of the latest Trump controversy author Kelly Oxford asked followers to tweet her their first sexual assaults. Oxford was inundated with tweets from women all over the world describing their first occurrences, I say "first" because we all know it's never just one. Some tweets were shocking, horrific, saddening and some surprised me, I would never had thought an inappropriate ass grab would be considered sexual assault. As I read on I quickly realized how narrow minded and singular my thoughts on what constitutes sexual assault had been. So...I sat there and thought of what my first sexual assault may have been, it took awhile but then it came to me. I was 14, freshman in a new high school trying establish myself in this massively big school with some girlfriends. I remember one afternoon me and a couple of my friends were walking home and decided to stop by a boy's house to "hang out". For the life of me I don't even remember his name or what he looked like, that's how memorable he was apparently. Before I knew it my friends had left me alone at this boy's house. I don't even think we were making out but I do remember him forcing my hand on his penis, dick, junk or whatever you want to call it. I looked at him in shock, ripped my hand out of his, grabbed my backpack and said I had to go. And then I left, walked the long way home trying figure out what the hell he was hoping would happen.
There has been a big push recently for us, as a society, to change the way boys/men view women and breaking down this idea that "locker room" banter and actions are okay. As a mother of two boys and now a daughter I am on board with this....whole heartedly. It is and will be hammered into my boys that they need to treat not just women but everyone with a high level of respect, kindness and love. That they are not entitled to ANYTHING and better tread lightly until given permission to move forward with whomever they are interacting with. But in the same breath, what about teaching our girls a certain Girl Code? Where were my friends? Why did they leave me alone at this boy's house? I'm not mad at them because Lord knows I had probably done the same at some point. But there in lies the problem, why wasn't I taught at a very young age to always have my friends' backs, to never leave them alone, to always stick up for them? I tell Costner and Loren all the time when we go to the park or a party that they have look out for one another, they have to be each other's buddy. Costner has taken it so to heart that he screamed to me across the BMX track the other day that "Loren has to poop!" Thanks Bud!
My goal, to teach Audie to be respectful and kind but also to be aware and strong in her convictions, to be a "good" friend even when it's unpopular to do so. And I think this is a good conversation to have with my friends as well because Audie's brothers won't always be there to look out for her. She will need a good, solid group of friends that abide by a certain Girl Code!
