Revel in the quiet time!

Recently I have become a stay at Mom, right now it is currently to my adorable yellow lab but soon it will not only be to Ducati but to my little man.  Ducati is a very manageable dependent, his day consists of breakfast, belly rubs, an occasional walk, more belly rubs, dinner and then bedtime.  I fully understand that my life will change considerably in a month when my baby boy joins our family.  Everyone tells me I should revel in this quiet time that has been laid upon me but to be honest I am bored out of my mind.  As I sit here in my house, fire lit, snow falling, one movie already watched, typing away and it's only 3pm.  Is this what the next four weeks will entail?  To make matters worse my doctor has told me to stay close to home.  I live in the mountains of Colorado and even a trip Denver could trigger labor because of the elevation change.  Cabin fever anyone?  So, here I am, trying to enjoy this time to myself....this last little bit of singledom before I become a Mom.  It is not as easy as you think.  Maybe it is hard on me because I am limited to what I can do on a day to day basis.  Vail Mountain reports 15 inches of new snow and all I can do is stare envious at my beautifully tuned powder skis hanging in my garage.  I release a large sigh, walk back inside my house, grab the swifter and start cleaning the floors.  Is this my life going forward?

I am realizing that part of the reason I cannot enjoy my new found freedom is that I am having a hard time not having a job.  I have this idea in my head that having a job gives me a since of purpose and by not having that therefore takes away my since of purpose.  That I will be looked down upon or not valued because I am just a stay at home mom.  I think that my life will subsequently become about my child(ren) and nothing left for myself.  Loosing something that drives me for me and not for anyone else.  As I look outside, it dawns on me....I didn't like my job.  I say job and not career because that is what it was....a job that I wasn't crazy about.  Surely nothing I would want to spend 40 hours a week away from my son for.  This interim time will be a good thing.  It will be nice to concentrate on my new addition and myself.  It doesn't have to be either/or.  I now have time bond with my child, my husband, my family and myself.  Time to figure out what drives me and what I want to drive me going forward.  

Quiet time....a new found appreciation!!!

To have children or to not have children....that was the question!!

When I was nineteen I made the decision that I was not going to have children.  After ten years I had finally come to terms and found peace with my mother's death.  She passed away when I was nine of breast cancer and it took me ten years to find contentment and peace with my life.  Ten years to figure out that that slight bit of sadness pushed away in the back of my heart wasn't just apart of life and did not have to be there forever.  I gained valuable tools to manage the sadness when people asked about her or the situations when a mother's advice will only suffice.  Something changed, instead of thinking of all the years she would not be apart of my life, it became how blessed and thankful I was to have her for the nine years that she was apart of my life.

After I became newly enlightened I decided not the have children.....EVER.  My familial history puts me at a greater risk of someday having cancer and there was no way I would want to put my children through an ounce of sadness that I endured.  How naive I was at nineteen?  To think I had any control on what would unfold 10, 20, 30 years from that point.  I didn't think I would meet such an amazing man that would change my whole outlook on life.  Of course, I would want to have children with this man.  Like me, my children will have a wonderful father to raise them if anything were to ever happen to me.  And let's not even mention the extended family I have been so lucky to inherit with becoming a Bradshaw.  Sadness will somehow be apart of my children's lives whether I am here to help them through it or not.  I cannot protect them every bump in the road because hard times will inevitably make them stronger and more resilient in life.

So, the moral of this post.....nineteen is not the age to make drastic decision on whether to have children because really I was just trying to decide whether "to go to Biology class or to not go to Biology class"

Welcome!!

Throughout my life nothing has gone exactly the way I expected.  As a young girl I had an idea of the way my life would unfold, in a Norman Rockwell type of setting.  Is that too much to ask?  Well, yes!!  I have experienced unimaginable sadness and life changing elation, all of which made me a stronger, more confident person.  Sometimes the curves in the road turn out to be moments that will bring the insight you need to make the next decision.

Ten years ago, I would I have told you that I would follow in my mother's footsteps marry when I am 30 and start having children when I am 32 (another contradiction of my earlier thinking, but that will be a discussion for another post).  I am now 29, have been married for two years, proud owner of a hefty mortgage, also a proud owner of a hefty yellow lab and pregnant with my first child.  Like I said, life is not what you expect it to be.

This change in my storybook timeline is due to the wonderful fault of my husband.  I met Justin six years ago and that is when I saw the preverbal "light".  I am firm believer that there are people in this world that are here to change your life.  Justin has done that for me.  He has helped me become a calmer, happier, more enthusiastic, take life and experience kind of person.  If you ever meet him, I promise you will like him right of the bat.  He has uncanny way to make you feel completely welcome and at ease.  Justin is rarely ever in a bad mood, always nice to everyone and sincerely does not speak badly about anyone.  I thrive to possess the same qualities....still working!!  He has an appetite for adventure and traveling.  One of Justin's main passions in life are motorcycles.  You know it's not just a hobby when you see your husband parlay his immense enjoyment of motorcycles into a career.  One would think that this love of motorcycles stops with Justin but it does not.  I firmly believe that the desire to be on two wheels instead of four is embedded the Bradshaw gene, that will inevitably be passed down to my son.

I know what your thinking....where is the flaw?  If Justin is as wonderful as he sounds then the in laws must be wrenched, right?  That is where you'd be wrong.  I somehow stumbled upon a truly wonderful family....The Bradshaw Clan.  Now, is anyone ever really perfect? No, but all of Justin's family members are kind, open, honest, loving, supportive, well-grounded and intelligent people.  And now I am one of them.  A tall order to live up to but they make me strive to be a better version of myself.  Hence, the name of my blog....."A Bradshaw Way of Life"

I hope you enjoy my blog and my thoughts of being a wife, mother, sister, daughter, friend and woman trying to navigate this world that will sure to bring more twists and turns then a boring Norman Rockwell picture.