Holiday Traditions!!

When I was young Christmas was always a big deal.  My mom, a interior decorator, would deck out the house in all the holiday fare and my dad would drive down early in the morning to put together our Christmas gifts.  My parents, though separated and not always on each others good sides, put on a untied front for Christmas.  It was that happy moment where everything seemed perfect.  When my mother passed away and my grandparents (her parents) soon after her, Christmas became a three person event.  Every year my dad would haul out my mom's Christmas decorations and help me put them up in our new, smaller home....things were a little crapped after the decorations were out.  He made Thanksgiving dinner all over again on Christmas day, which I loved and three of us would celebrate Christmas relatively quietly.  In those years when it was just my brother, my dad and I, I longed for a big family Christmas celebration.

Becoming a Bradshaw afforded me the big Christmas celebration.  And the Bradshaws know how to do Christmas up right, including all the decorations, traditions, cheer and well on occasion drama.  What kind of family event would it be without a little bit of drama every once and awhile?  Right?  This year was Costner's First Christmas, I was so excited to start some wonderful traditions with him.   As we all know it is not just Christmas Eve and Christmas, there are parties and get-togethers for a week before and the week after.  Costner, Justin and I had something going on Friday, Saturday, Sunday and Monday.  I try not to be one of those moms that keeps their child to a strict schedule and I knew with the holidays we were going to have to lenient with bedtimes.  But most moms will agree that schedules help contribute to a happier, well-rested baby and lets not talk about how much happier the moms are when their children are well-rested.  Keeping Costner up until 9pm the first night is okay...it doesn't seem to phase him but come the third night (Christmas) he's a fussy, overtired mess.  Which as we all know leads to a stressed, tired mom.  I'll be honest, by the middle of the day Sunday I was ready for Christmas to be over.  So much so that while Costner napped I de-Christmastized our house.  On Christmas day!!  My mother-in-law was shocked but I was done.  I was ready to have things get back to normal.

There in lies my personal dichotomy with Christmas.  Part of me wants the big family Christmas with Aunts, Uncles, Cousins, Grandparents, etc. and part of me wants the quiet three person Christmas with the Christmas-Thanksgiving dinner.  As the years go on I am sure I will find a way to blend both of those desires into one of our own Justin, Costner and Whitney Christmas traditions.

The toy was for Ducati but not anymore!

Costner's First Bike!! 

Costner loves his cousin Allie

A series of photos that are sure to make you smile!!

Hello All!!

I wanted to show a series of photos I took of Costner that I hope will put a smile on your face, it sure did to mine.  Justin came home Sunday and it has been so wonderful having him home.  I can even tell in Costner's demeanor how excited he is to have his papa home.

Nap Training Update

This would be day number six of nap training and thank goodness it seems as if we are back on track.  Costner has been napping in the morning for the past few days for an hour on the dot!!  The second nap has been a bit more difficult to extend out but yesterday he slept for an hour and forty-five minutes.  Woohoo!!  I didn't know what to do with all the time.  I was expecting an hour...if that so I hurriedly did all things I needed to get done in an hour.  For forty-five minutes I was waiting for my little man to wake up any minute but he didn't.  Then today came and I was not holding my breath for the same hour and forty-five minutes...I was sure that yesterday was a fluke but it has been two hours people and Costner is still asleep.  Hallelujah!  Those first few days were so difficult, listening to him scream broke my heart each time but my pediatrician was right...it gets better.  And for all that crying I now have a well rested, happy little man who is keeping me and Ducati running all over the house.  We still don't have any teeth but I see them and feel their jagged little tops.  I think he is waiting for his Papa to come home (Sunday) before they pop out.

I'm Starving!!

Chillin!!

Mama has me in a bubble because it's so cold outside!!  40 and windy!!  Brrr!!

I'm trying to help Mama cook!!

Day Four of Nap Training!!

Today was a busy day and it started off well.  Costner woke up at his normal hour, ate some breakfast, played a bit and then went down for an hour nap.  Great...it seems as if we are back on track with the morning nap.  After Costner awoke we went for a walk in the frigid wind with my friend Kelly and her daughter Teagan.  I must report that Costner received his first kiss from a lady nine months his senior.  But enough about Costner's love life....

Back to the day, after lunch I packed him into his carseat and headed to Target.  For my friends who don't live in the Vail Valley the closest Target is 40 minutes away....that's an 1 hour and 20 minutes round trip which usually means Costner will sleep the whole time.  I'll be honest I went to Target because I couldn't bear to hear him wail again.  I needed a day off, a day to have my happy little baby, a day to recharge.  When we got back to the house Costner's Aunt Lindsey came over to watch him so Mama could go to yoga and have an hour to herself.   It is a blessing that I have a wonderful family who will allow me to have time to be me.  Not a wife, not a mother but just me!

The fun didn't stop there....after I came home from yoga Costner and I jumped in the car and met his other Aunt, Jill for some dinner and wine.  It was a treat for us both to be able to have so much company today.  Just when I was feeling alone and confined to my house, friends and family step in to give me a lift and for that I appreciate them more than they know.

No pictures today!!  I will try to snap a few tomorrow!

Day Three of Nap Training!!

The only thing I wanted to do today was pick up the phone and call my mom.  I need her to tell me that all will work out with Costner's napping and tell me remedies she used on my brother and myself.  Instead I am relegated to the internet and what do I find when I google "napping and teething"?  A woman wondering if the fact that her teething baby is sleeping more than usual is a problem.  Seriously!  A problem? Count your lucky stars woman that your baby is sleeping as much as he or she does.

My morning started off great!  Costner awoke around 8am, ate some breakfast and then proceeded to try to get into trouble.  He went down for his first nap without a fight and slept for an hour.  Success!  I was so happy to grab him and play with him. We proceeded to play, go for a run, hit up the grocery store and Costner's drooled thru two shirts.  Those teeth are really close to popping out.  Around 1pm he started to slow down and as soon as I saw a yawn we went for nap #2.  Costner didn't fight me on the second nap and again I prayed he would sleep for two hours.  But again no such luck.  After 45 minutes he was up, though not screaming.  He was sitting in his crib chewing on his hands or anything he could put in his mouth. I left him in his crib in hopes he would fall back asleep.  Well after 45 minutes he started to full out wail and I caved!!  And to be honest...I don't feel bad.  My little man is fussy and I think that it is due large part to these incoming teeth. I am going to try to stick to his nap schedule the best I can but making him scream for over an hour when he is obviously uncomfortable, I can't do it.  Sorry people!!  When these teeth come in then maybe I will be a bit more stringent but I am betting he'll transition back his old nap schedule once they come in.  At least that's what I am hoping for.

Good Night All!!

My new face I love to make

Helping Mama cook

Day Two of Nap Training!!

First off....I would like to apologize for last night's post.  It was terribly written...geez!!  I blame it all on my exhaustion!

I am thinking of faltering...I cannot take the tears.  I did not falter today though....I held strong.  The day started off well.  Costner woke a little before 8 this morning happy and ready to go.  We ate some breakfast, cleaned some floors (Costner with his belly and me with my the vacuum), chased Dukey around the house before we started in for nap #1.  I put Costner down and not soon after I laid his head down did the tears come even as his eyes rolled back in his head.  Twenty minutes later I tip-toed past him room to peek thru the cracked door to see what if anything was wrong.  I could smell what was wrong from outside of the room.  I went in, changed his diaper and put him back down.  He slept for 45 minutes which was 15 minutes longer than he did yesterday.  Hopefully tomorrow's nap will be 15 minutes longer than today's nap.

Nap #2....my toughest nap!  I tried in vein to ware him out but it was snowing today so we were confined to the house.  Around 1pm I sat Costner in my lap, put some Orajel on his gums and attempted to calm him down before we went for the second nap.  As we sat there I examined at length his incoming teeth.  There are little indents on his gums where his two bottom teeth will eventually be and I can see white on the top.  As I am probing Costner's mouth he rests his head on my arm and flutters his eyes shut.  Really?  This is where you are going to fall asleep child?  As much as I would have liked to let him lay asleep on the floor with a blanket around him I knew I should transfer him to his crib.  So...transfer to the crib I did and with success.  I prayed that he would sleep for two hours but I had no such luck.  Forty minutes later he was up crying so again I let him cry.  Today he cried off and on for a hour.  Ugh...I hate his tears!  

I hope Day Three is better and if these teeth are causing his nap problems than please teeth come in already!!  Stay tuned for tomorrow's post and hopefully a better nap outcome.

Day One of Nap Training!!

Wow....today was tough!  I am proud of myself for staying strong though Costner's cry is still echoing in my ears.  The day did not start off well, that should have been my first indication on how the rest of day was going to pan out.  At six this morning I was awakened by Costner's cry but for the next hour he teetered back and forth from sleep to crying but by 7am he was full blown screaming and awake.  I went into his room to calm him down, give him a little Baby Orajel and lay him back down for some more sleep.  My plan, while being well intended, did not go over well with Costner.  He screamed for 30 minutes and finally went back to sleep.  I woke him a little while later for some breakfast and play time before we set out for our first nap.  I followed the "I'm tired" cues from my little man and put him down in his crib for what I hoped would be a successful hour morning nap.  Costner crawled around in his crib for 20 minutes before finally falling asleep.  Success!!  Or so I thought, he was back up 30 minutes later.  So again I let him cry it out in his crib in hopes that he would fall back asleep.  No such luck!  After what would have been his allotted hour long nap I went in to retrieve my problematic napper.

From the moment I went in to get Costner Operation Wear This Child Out commenced.  We played, we went to the Post Office, grocery store, dry cleaners, the local holiday bazaar with Aunt Jill, ate some lunch and finally played some more.  I put the adorable little stinker down for his second nap and what did I hear as I left his room.....nothing!!  No tears!  Could this be success?  Well, kind of.  Costner slept for an hour which was great but Dr. Engle said he should be sleeping for at least two hours in the afternoon.  So...again I let him wail.  A terrible wail!!  I started to organize my kitchen cabinets because I could not bear to sit there and listen to him cry.  I had to keep busy otherwise I would cave and go grab him.  In the middle of Costner's cryfest Ducati was nowhere to be found.  I went looking for him and I found him sitting outside of Costner's door.  The scene in front of me melted my heart, here was my dog who normally paid no attention to Costner sitting in front of his door listening to him cry.  This was Duke's way of showing his love for Costner.  After an hour of crying...that's right I said an hour...Costner finally fell back to sleep.  When he woke I gave him a big bear hug, my way of apologizing for not coming to him when he needed me.  He looked at me, smiled and pulled on my hair as to say "Mom, why are you so upset?"  We spent the rest of afternoon watching the snowstorm roll in, watching some football and snuggling of course!

I am hoping tomorrow and the coming days will be easier than what I had to go thru today but if not at least my house will be spotless clean from all my busy work.  Here are a few pictures from today!

"Mom, why do you let me cry?"

"Duke, why can't I get to you?"

Mom's attempt to wear me out!!

My organizing!!

Will he nap today or not?!

I have not been inspired the last few months and that is why I have not blogged.  I have been trying to figure out why I have been so uninspired, part of it is because I am thinking too hard and I should just write what I know.  Let's be honest....I am a stay at home mom (that might be changing) so my life encompasses Costner and all that goes with a busy 9 month old, my husband and his ever changing schedule and my always faithful companion Ducati.  Let go Whitney of thinking you have to have profound conversations on a daily basis that gives you something to write about!  Though I do wish I did have those types of conversations even on a weekly basis.   The other part that I believe contributes to my uninspired feeling is that my day to day life has been a little out of sorts with Costner.  Which leaves me little time to contemplate writing.

About two months ago his naps became erratic.  The morning nap would still happen fine but the afternoon nap went from 2+ hours to 45 minutes if I was lucky.  I was baffled!!  I thought the disruption was being caused by teething but we still do not have any teeth two months later.  So what happened to my amazing sleeper? What happened to the boy who would go down for a nap without even a peep?  Now I have a fight on my hands every time and cries that have been excruciatingly difficult to hear.  I should be clear...I am by default a Type A personality.  I like structure and schedule, those two things help me tackle the day.  Costner and I had a great schedule going.  It went a little like this:

8:00am wake up and have breakfast

9-9:15am nap time

10-10:30am wake up and play,go for a run, etc.

12:00pm lunch

1-1:30pm nap time

3-3:30pm wake up and play some more

4:00pm dinner and more playing

6:45pm last sippy cup of milk

7:00pm bedtime

And then the latter part of the schedule got shot to hell.  No afternoon nap means a cranky, over tired little man and it also means Mom does not get time to herself to recharge.  I believe the change happened when he started crawling and pulling himself up.  To Costner there is too much to see and do and if he sleeps he might miss out.  So instead he fights his naps, he stands up in his crib (which I had to lower because he is way too tall) and screams bloody murder.  Costner is not a fussy baby and he rarely cries so when he first started crying like this I would run in to see what was wrong.  That is where the downward spiral began.  Costner is a smart baby, he knows how work Mama's heart strings.  The other part is that he is actually teething so the pain undoubtedly wakes him up and then he has a hard time getting back to sleep. 

Well, yesterday we saw our wonderful pediatrician Dr. Janet Engle.  She confirmed that two teeth are in our eminent future but that is no reason why he shouldn't still be napping otherwise we are going to be constantly waiting for teeth to come in to get back on a nap schedule.  Tough love needs to be administered.  "But Janet he screamed for 45 minutes today!" And she responded with "If you know he is safe and okay then you need to let him cry." Does she know my son's cry....it is gut wrenching?!  Janet explained that by Day Three he should be doing much better with naps and not fussing too bad.  But I have to be strong which is hard to do when Justin is out of town and not here to back me up or allow me step away.  Today is Day One and Costner is currently crying, I will blog this evening to let everyone know how it is going.  

Thank you continuing to read my blog even though I write sporadically!!

Postpartum Friends

Something happened when Costner hit 3 months old, I started to feel alone.  Funny thing to say, right?  Around 3 months Costner started to be more expressive, interactive with me which was such a delight but he also became a little more self-reliant.  He started to entertain himself, take longer naps and his witching hour all but disappeared, Costner no longer needs Mom to constantly soothe him.  He became a relatively easy, happy and fun baby.  It does not take as much energy to care for him, time....yes!  He still encompasses much of my time but I don't feel as drained at the end of day.  I am a much more confidant mom now.  I know his signs, I know what makes him happy, when he is getting sleepy, when it is time to eat and what to do when, heaven forbid, he starts to wail.   As fullfilling as it is to spend my days with my little man, it can be a very solitary life.  The first three months of motherhood I spent most of my time just trying to figure it out and that took up most of my time but now I have a handle on it I am ready to get out and mingle with other people....women to be specific.

That is where the problem lies......as much as I wish my girlfriends and I had sat around and decided "Let's all try to get pregnant, so we could go thru motherhood together" that didn't happen.  Justin and I were not even trying to get pregnant, who knew I would be so fertile.  So here I am, the one of the first among my friends to have a child, looking for someone to go on a hike with or out to lunch.  Someone to have an adult conversation with on occasion.  When you have a baby your life inevitably changes, my day revolves around nap and food schedules.  Justin and I try to take Costner everywhere we go but late night dinners with friends (unless it's at our house) are fleeting.

I knew that some of my friendships would change when Costner was born and I thought many of them would drift apart.  I was right some did but surprisingly the majority of my friendships with my girlfriends (specifically my fellow book clubbers) have grown stronger.  They may not have children of their own (yet!) but they are so supportive, caring and understanding and most of all...they love Costner!  They want to be around him and here about what new shenanigans he is up to.  And I love all of my friends for that.

I am a lucky woman....I have a wonderful husband, adorable baby, fantastic home and great friends!

Costner and his Jet Bear

Connecting to my Mom and being a Mom!

A couple of weeks ago I was looking for an easy read, something light and breezy to read while feeding Costner.  I chose a Jane Green novel.  It started off great, describing the differing lives of the main characters and then I was smacked in the face with emotion.  One of the main characters had a reoccurrence of breast cancer, a type that only gave her a year to live.  Callie was struck with fear and sadness not that her time on earth was ending but that she was leaving her children, husband and family.  As I read this, I began to cry and I couldn't stop.  Thankfully Costner was napping so I could just sit on my couch and let the tears fall.  I wasn't crying for myself or the fact that the story reminded me of loosing my own mother but I was crying because now I understood how my mother must have felt in those final months.  Now, having a beautiful little boy and the overwhelming love I have for him, I understand how terrifying it must have been for my mother.  Knowing that she wouldn't be there to help navigate my brother and I through life, to see our milestones, comfort us through difficulties and to see her grandson born.  It's ironic that a book helped me connect with my mom on a much deeper level then I ever thought possible.  This book made me stop thinking about myself and what I missed out on but allowed me to truly feel blessed for the opportunity I have to experience every day with Costner and the joy of being his mom.  

On a side note, Costner is awesome!  He is like fine wine....he gets better with time!  He is such a happy little baby, doesn't fuss very often, goes down for naps perfectly, goes to bed without a fight and sleeps like a champ.  This boy loves to sleep.  I have to tell myself to not wake him because I am bored and want to hang out with him.  We are working on him sitting up.  He has rolled over a few times but not again, I think he did it just show me he can and now he's done with it. :)  Costner is determined to crawl, he lifts his butt in the air, puts his face down and scoots his way forward.  I've tried to show him how to use his arms but he'll have none of it.  He wants to do it his way....he'll learn. :)  I love my little man.  

Here are a few pictures.....

My Dearest Ducati

Dear Ducati,

A little over six years ago I entered into you and your Papa's lives and everyday since then you have brought a smile to my face.  When life has me down, you bring me one (or three) of your babies, sit down next to me and give me a big kiss.  You instinctively know when all need is some Dukey love and I love you for that.

Now, I know your life was uprooted four months ago when your little brother came home.  And I know it hasn't been easy for you.  That first week you held out hope that Costner was just visiting and would be going back to wherever he came from.  But much to your disappointment he is still here.  In the past months, your ear rubs are a short 30 seconds here and there, the walks have slowed and even your baths are only once a month.  Who is this kid?  Why is he taking up so much of Mama and Papa's time and attention?  What about me?  And please make him stop screaming, he is destroying whatever hearing I have left in these 10 year old ears!

Thank you for being such a wonderful dog!  Thank you for understanding that life is a little different now and that we all need to make some adjustments.  Thank you for not pulling on your leash when the three of us go for a walk.  Thank you for sitting next to Costner when he is crying and staying with him until he calms down.  It is very endearing and heart warming.  I know it doesn't seem like it right now but Costner is going to love you with all that he is soon enough.  The devoted love you show me and your Papa is what Costner will show you in the next couple of years.  I wouldn't be surprised if his first words are "Dukey".

Duke.....I want to promise you that I will love you forever.  I appreciate you and what you have brought to my life.....unconditional love and happiness!

Love,
Mama

Costner=Perfection!! (at least I think so)

I can't believe it has been a month since I last posted.  I have to say that it has been in the back of my mind but I just haven't been able to come up with anything significant to write about.  So, I have decided to just write about how life is going with Costner.

As I am sure most moms believe, I think my son is perfect!!  He is such a joy to be around.  Not that he wasn't before but it is somehow different now.  He is so much more alert and aware of his surroundings.  For the first month or so, his days consisted mostly of sleeping, eating and pooping.  And let's not forget crying.  That crying broke my heart.  That is not to say that his tears don't deeply sadden me now but I know now that they are temporary.  I have learned enough in the past two and half months to know how to stop those tears and how to comfort him.  And I know enough to know when he's just trying to work Mom!  It is amazing how quickly you learn the telling signs of what your little man needs.   I look at him everyday in amazement that he is all mine (well....and Justin's too).  Costner is this perfect little human being that I get to enjoy everyday.  His smiles, coos, gurgles and his perfected bottom lip, pouty thing that is so adorable, fulfills my day.  Costner even recognizes Justin and I's voices and sometimes greets our voices with a big smile.  What could be better than that?

Actually, let me tell you what is really wonderful that Costner is accomplishing.....going eight to ten hours at night.  Costner typically eats around 8:30pm and won't wake again until 6:30am.  We like to credit is great sleeping to two things.....one...he is a formula fed child.  From what I have read formula makes babies feel more full and thus helping them sleep longer.  Second, we have stopped swaddling him.  Last week Justin and I noticed that Costner would wake up around 3am with a hand out and all worked up.  He spends half the night trying to get his arms out instead of sleeping.  We knew he could go all night without being fed so we thought maybe if he wasn't swaddled Costner would sleep better.  I was a little hesitant because it was my night to get up with him (Justin and I trade off who gets up with Costner at night) and I didn't want to be up all night because Costner wasn't sleeping due to the fact that his hands were in his mouth.  I couldn't believe it but as soon as I snapped Costner up in his sleep sack he was out!  Passed out with his arms splayed open.  The cutest thing I have ever seen!!

A quick side note, to all who have yet to have a baby.....get a swing!!  I wish I had one!!  Justin and I spend a good amount of time wheeling Costner around the house in his stroller because he likes to be upright and he likes the movement.  He has a chair that bounces but that just doesn't do it for him.  I'm contemplating biting the bullet and purchasing a swing so Mom and Dad can have dinner together.  :)

Hope everyone is having a great week!  I promise to post more often on my blog.  Here are some of the latest pictures of Magoozles!!

                                                               Costner's Aunt Lindsey

           My Dad says I'm Steazy but I don't know what that means!! Either does Mom!!

                                      Magoozles first night in his sleep sack and sound asleep!!

                                                                      Ready for work!!

Postpartum

Everyone tells you to look out for signs for Postpartum Depression after you give birth.  To me, there must be a fine line between depression and the exhaustion and the overwhelming feeling of being a new mom.  There is nothing in this world that brings me more joy than my son but I'll be completely honest....this motherhood stuff is hard work.  Everyday you question whether your doing it right and if you tried something else would it make things just a little bit easier.  A friend of mine told me that somewhere in all the baby madness you have to find time to mourn your previous life.  That life where you could accomplish 10 things in one day.  That life where you could get eight hours of sleep, have a conversation that doesn't involve talking about when the baby last ate, pooped, peed, bathed, etc or share a quiet moment with your significant other.  Once you mourn that previous life then you realize how very blessed you are and how that life before never felt so full and complete as it does with your child in it.

I have to say personally that for the first few weeks I was in a state of worry (not that I don't worry about him now).  From the moment he was born I was worried about him.  Why isn't he crying?  What do you mean breathing problems? NICU?  Oxygen bubble? Antibiotics?  I worried about his health and well being since the moment he popped out.  Then four days later the doctors and nurses said he is all better and that we could take him home.  Now the questions that racked my brain were.... Is it warm enough in the house?  Why does he sneeze so much?  Does he have a cold?  Why is he all wet?  Is he sweating? (nope he was peeing himself...straight out of the diaper).  And trust me there were many more concerning questions.  I never experienced the euphoric feeling that most women have when their happy, healthy baby is born.  I was consumed with worry.  And to make matters worse I have had a difficult time with breastfeeding.  You feel like your failing because you can't provide for your child what nature says you should.  It wasn't after a very long, trying day full of tears for Justin to come to me and say "Enough!"  Enough of beating myself up about not being able to solely breastfeed.  Enough of worrying and stressing.  Costner will be okay if we supplement with formula and most importantly we will all be a happier family unit.  I love my husband for intervening and making me see that being a mother is not about doing things perfectly but doing them to the best of my ability and most of all having a happy, healthy baby.  Which we do.....most of the time. :)

Here are a couple new photos of my little nugget.....Costner is almost 6 weeks old and a little over 8lbs.

 My Mr. Magoozles

 Justin and Costner getting a nap in after a busy day!!

He loves his tummy time!!

Fuzzy Brain

I have been trying to think of something creative to write for the last few days and nothing seems to come to mind.  This what people must call "New Mom Fuzzy Brain."  Yep, that's right....I am officially a mother to a beautiful, healthy baby boy.  Costner Cooper Bradshaw was born February 15, 2011 weighing in at 6lb 4oz.  Let me just say this...nothing prepares you for childbirth and the trying days afterward.  I was actually mad at my friends who have children for not warning me about what was to come that faithful hour when my doctor said it was time to push.  Grant it, I know experiences vary from person to person but someone should have given me heads up on how completely taxing childbirth would be on my mind, body and soul.  The utter exhaustion I felt the first few days we were home made me worry... "Is this how I'm going to feel in the months to come?"  Luckily, things do get better as your body recovers and you adjust to the lack of sleep.  

Let me be completely clear that I would go through it again tomorrow (with a few alterations) for my handsome little man.  The way my heart melts when Costner assumes the frog position on my chest and falls into a deep sleep is indescribable.  I find myself staring at him in awe of how perfect he is to me and then I wonder..."Is he warm enough?" "Did he get enough to eat?" "If he ate at 12pm, then he should eat between 2pm and 3pm?"  "Which boob did I last feed him on?"  "How can we get him to sleep in his bassinet and not on our chests?"  It is a never ending quest for the right answer.  All I can really do is my best and hope that is good enough for him.  My dad said "Whitney, all you can do is take it day by day and soon enough you'll find it gets a little easier."  That was the best advice I could have received.

Here are some pictures.....

I do want to say one last thing.  Thank you to my truly wonderful husband.  Justin, you are amazing.  You have been my rock these past two weeks.  Your unwavering support and love is incredible.  You are a master at the diaper change....his motto is swipe, swipe, dipe!!  We are so blessed to have you and I am thankful we created such an amazing son.  I love you!!  Thank you!!

Banana Pop!

My master bathroom was not made for a pregnant woman.  It has an over sized jetted tub that takes too long to fill up and twice as long to try to keep warm.  My bathroom also includes a great stand up shower but I soon found out that shaving my legs is a bit difficult with a 7lb basketball jutting out from my stomach.  I need a ledge to prop my leg up on.  So....every couple of days I transfer over to our guest bathroom, which is equipped with  a standard size bathtub/shower, to accomplish the artful task of shaving my legs.

The other day I was showering in the guest bathroom when I realized that I didn't have my razor.    Knowing that Justin was in the kitchen I yelled his name and giving him a couple of minutes just in case he was on the phone.  Five minutes lapsed and Justin had yet to materialize so I thought to myself, "he must not have heard me, he is across the house."  I took a deep breath and yelled his name again.  A few seconds later Justin, wide-eyed, appeared at the bathroom door.

"What is it babe?" he asks.

Looking at him shamelessly I say, "Were you on the phone?"

"Yeah"

"You got off the phone for me?"

"Well, yeah....you screamed my name.  What is it?"  Let me point out that he says scream and I say "yelled".  I believe there is a difference.

"I need my razor," I exclaim with one of my 'please don't be mad at me' smiles.

"Babe, you can't scream my name at this point in the game.  I thought something had happened" he says as he walks away to retrieve my razor.  At 37 weeks pregnant, he's right, anything can happen.  Perhaps yelling his name was not the smartest idea.

When my wonderfully, understanding husband returns with my razor I say to him, "maybe we need a code word I can use when I call your name when something does occur concerning the baby."

To this he states without even thinking, "Banana Pop!"

"Banana Pop?"

Nodding his head, "Banana Pop!"

Well, that was that.  When my water breaks while in the grocery store I will be anxiously yelling "Justin? Banana Pop!"  I have to admit it is a funny code word but I like it because it is uniquely our own.  A great funny story to pass down to our son.  I like it...."Banana Pop!"

I giggle at Justin as he walks away, leaving me to my legs.  The only thing I can think of now are those delicious banana milkshakes I drank twice a day during our honeymoon in Thailand.  Mmmm.....how good would a banana milkshake be right about now?

Revel in the quiet time!

Recently I have become a stay at Mom, right now it is currently to my adorable yellow lab but soon it will not only be to Ducati but to my little man.  Ducati is a very manageable dependent, his day consists of breakfast, belly rubs, an occasional walk, more belly rubs, dinner and then bedtime.  I fully understand that my life will change considerably in a month when my baby boy joins our family.  Everyone tells me I should revel in this quiet time that has been laid upon me but to be honest I am bored out of my mind.  As I sit here in my house, fire lit, snow falling, one movie already watched, typing away and it's only 3pm.  Is this what the next four weeks will entail?  To make matters worse my doctor has told me to stay close to home.  I live in the mountains of Colorado and even a trip Denver could trigger labor because of the elevation change.  Cabin fever anyone?  So, here I am, trying to enjoy this time to myself....this last little bit of singledom before I become a Mom.  It is not as easy as you think.  Maybe it is hard on me because I am limited to what I can do on a day to day basis.  Vail Mountain reports 15 inches of new snow and all I can do is stare envious at my beautifully tuned powder skis hanging in my garage.  I release a large sigh, walk back inside my house, grab the swifter and start cleaning the floors.  Is this my life going forward?

I am realizing that part of the reason I cannot enjoy my new found freedom is that I am having a hard time not having a job.  I have this idea in my head that having a job gives me a since of purpose and by not having that therefore takes away my since of purpose.  That I will be looked down upon or not valued because I am just a stay at home mom.  I think that my life will subsequently become about my child(ren) and nothing left for myself.  Loosing something that drives me for me and not for anyone else.  As I look outside, it dawns on me....I didn't like my job.  I say job and not career because that is what it was....a job that I wasn't crazy about.  Surely nothing I would want to spend 40 hours a week away from my son for.  This interim time will be a good thing.  It will be nice to concentrate on my new addition and myself.  It doesn't have to be either/or.  I now have time bond with my child, my husband, my family and myself.  Time to figure out what drives me and what I want to drive me going forward.  

Quiet time....a new found appreciation!!!

To have children or to not have children....that was the question!!

When I was nineteen I made the decision that I was not going to have children.  After ten years I had finally come to terms and found peace with my mother's death.  She passed away when I was nine of breast cancer and it took me ten years to find contentment and peace with my life.  Ten years to figure out that that slight bit of sadness pushed away in the back of my heart wasn't just apart of life and did not have to be there forever.  I gained valuable tools to manage the sadness when people asked about her or the situations when a mother's advice will only suffice.  Something changed, instead of thinking of all the years she would not be apart of my life, it became how blessed and thankful I was to have her for the nine years that she was apart of my life.

After I became newly enlightened I decided not the have children.....EVER.  My familial history puts me at a greater risk of someday having cancer and there was no way I would want to put my children through an ounce of sadness that I endured.  How naive I was at nineteen?  To think I had any control on what would unfold 10, 20, 30 years from that point.  I didn't think I would meet such an amazing man that would change my whole outlook on life.  Of course, I would want to have children with this man.  Like me, my children will have a wonderful father to raise them if anything were to ever happen to me.  And let's not even mention the extended family I have been so lucky to inherit with becoming a Bradshaw.  Sadness will somehow be apart of my children's lives whether I am here to help them through it or not.  I cannot protect them every bump in the road because hard times will inevitably make them stronger and more resilient in life.

So, the moral of this post.....nineteen is not the age to make drastic decision on whether to have children because really I was just trying to decide whether "to go to Biology class or to not go to Biology class"

Welcome!!

Throughout my life nothing has gone exactly the way I expected.  As a young girl I had an idea of the way my life would unfold, in a Norman Rockwell type of setting.  Is that too much to ask?  Well, yes!!  I have experienced unimaginable sadness and life changing elation, all of which made me a stronger, more confident person.  Sometimes the curves in the road turn out to be moments that will bring the insight you need to make the next decision.

Ten years ago, I would I have told you that I would follow in my mother's footsteps marry when I am 30 and start having children when I am 32 (another contradiction of my earlier thinking, but that will be a discussion for another post).  I am now 29, have been married for two years, proud owner of a hefty mortgage, also a proud owner of a hefty yellow lab and pregnant with my first child.  Like I said, life is not what you expect it to be.

This change in my storybook timeline is due to the wonderful fault of my husband.  I met Justin six years ago and that is when I saw the preverbal "light".  I am firm believer that there are people in this world that are here to change your life.  Justin has done that for me.  He has helped me become a calmer, happier, more enthusiastic, take life and experience kind of person.  If you ever meet him, I promise you will like him right of the bat.  He has uncanny way to make you feel completely welcome and at ease.  Justin is rarely ever in a bad mood, always nice to everyone and sincerely does not speak badly about anyone.  I thrive to possess the same qualities....still working!!  He has an appetite for adventure and traveling.  One of Justin's main passions in life are motorcycles.  You know it's not just a hobby when you see your husband parlay his immense enjoyment of motorcycles into a career.  One would think that this love of motorcycles stops with Justin but it does not.  I firmly believe that the desire to be on two wheels instead of four is embedded the Bradshaw gene, that will inevitably be passed down to my son.

I know what your thinking....where is the flaw?  If Justin is as wonderful as he sounds then the in laws must be wrenched, right?  That is where you'd be wrong.  I somehow stumbled upon a truly wonderful family....The Bradshaw Clan.  Now, is anyone ever really perfect? No, but all of Justin's family members are kind, open, honest, loving, supportive, well-grounded and intelligent people.  And now I am one of them.  A tall order to live up to but they make me strive to be a better version of myself.  Hence, the name of my blog....."A Bradshaw Way of Life"

I hope you enjoy my blog and my thoughts of being a wife, mother, sister, daughter, friend and woman trying to navigate this world that will sure to bring more twists and turns then a boring Norman Rockwell picture.